Navigating Life with a High-Functioning Autistic Child: Insights and Expectations

When you think of names like Elon Musk, Nikola Tesla, Daryl Hannah, Anthony Hopkins, and Bill Gates, autism might not be the first thing that comes to mind. These individuals are synonymous with success, innovation, and creativity. Yet, they all have or identify as having high-functioning autism (HFA). The increase in autism diagnoses over recent years, as noted by the CDC, doesn’t mean that autism is suddenly more common. Instead, it reflects a better understanding of the disorder and improved assessment tools that help identify children on the spectrum. This is particularly crucial for those with high-functioning autism, whose needs might otherwise go unnoticed. Before 2013, what we now refer to as HFA was diagnosed as Asperger Syndrome. The reclassification ensures those on the higher end of the spectrum can access the support they need. Why the Autism Diagnosis Matters My son was diagnosed with high-functioning autism when he was seven. As I’ve shared before, it wasn’t a straightforward process. I knew he was different and sought answers from various specialists, but it took time to pinpoint what was going on. Some questioned my pursuit of a diagnosis, arguing that labelling him wasn’t fair. But they missed the point: understanding what you’re dealing with is empowering. It allows you to educate yourself, better support your child, and manage your expectations. An HFA diagnosis doesn’t hinder someone from having a successful education, career, or family life, as the names I mentioned earlier demonstrate. However, these individuals are often misunderstood because their autism isn’t immediately apparent. Children with HFA are expected to behave in socially acceptable ways, which can be incredibly challenging as they learn to adapt to their environment. This can lead to them being ostracised while still in the process of adjusting. There’s also the issue of stereotyping. Comments like, “Oh, you must love The Big Bang Theory, you’re just like Sheldon Cooper!” are common. While my son does share some traits with Sheldon, such as attention to detail and certain habits, it’s never to the extreme portrayed on television. This generalisation can be frustrating for those with HFA. Expecting Different Behaviors in Children with HFA Children with high-functioning autism often struggle to regulate their emotions. They might react intensely to situations others find insignificant or, conversely, under-react to distressing events. For instance, when my son was six, his grandfather passed away. People were shocked when he asked if we would ‘flush grandpa down the toilet’. It wasn’t callousness; his only experience with death was losing a pet goldfish. Later, in high school, a teacher was offended when he showed no sadness over a character’s death in a book. She accused him of lacking empathy, not realising that he found it difficult to grieve for a fictional character after experiencing actual loss. Sensory overload is another challenge. My son would often close his eyes in class, not to sleep but to block out visual stimuli so he could focus on what he was hearing. Teachers misunderstood this, and I was often accused of making excuses when explaining how HFA affects him. HFA can also come with habits others might find odd, like ritualistic behaviours. Routine and predictability offer comfort. When deviations occur, it can feel catastrophic. My son, for example, assigned a colour to each day of the week for his socks. One Monday, we couldn’t find one of his red socks, which was the end of the world for him. Children with HFA are also very literal, which can lead to confusion with figurative language. My son was horrified when someone asked if they could ‘pick his brain’. Non-verbal communication, like reading facial expressions or interpreting body language, is also challenging, making it difficult to form and maintain friendships. As a parent of a child with HFA, I’m committed to educating others about autism’s nuances. Proper understanding is crucial for these young people to be themselves without apology. Their mental health deserves as much attention as any other child’s—if not more—given the additional hurdles they face, such as rejection and misunderstanding. Challenges Today, Successes Tomorrow Incidentally, Elon Musk attended the same high school as I did. He hated it—school was a miserable experience for him. He was bullied, tormented, and even assaulted. Yet today, the school proudly touts his name as a former pupil. I was reminded of this when a friend who recently moved to the UK shared her son’s struggles with HFA on his first day at a new school. I told her, “The irony is that in 20 years, the teachers who gave our children the hardest time will be the ones boasting about having taught them.”