A Parent’s Guide to Surviving Grade Four

As each school year begins, your social media feed is likely filled with proud parent posts showing excited, smiling children donning their uniforms for the first time as they embark on their grade one journey. There’s also no shortage of posts from parents marking the start of their child’s high school years in grade eight or those nearing the finish line in matric. These years are seen as significant milestones on the educational journey, each bringing new challenges and exciting changes.

However, there’s a crucial year in a child’s school life that often starts without much fanfare—grade four, a true rollercoaster ride.

Having taught grade four for many years, I’ve observed that it has a somewhat daunting reputation among parents, which often trickles down to the kids. One of the first things parents bring up is exams, typically written for the first time in grade four. The children, already anxious on their first day, often fear these exams before they’ve even begun.

I always played down the importance of these exams and gave plenty of pep talks, mainly to the parents, about approaching the subject without instilling unnecessary fear. I reminded them that no one is expected to run before they can walk. As the year progresses, children mature and become ready, but it’s not as big a deal as it’s sometimes made out to be.

This may sound surprising coming from a teacher, but the truth is that many parents place so much emphasis on a few tests at the end of the year that they lose sight of something far more critical—how their child is coping day to day.

Grade four is possibly the most significant adjustment your child will face in their school career. The Foundation Phase focuses on Literacy, Numeracy, and Life Skills, but suddenly, kids are thrust into a more formal academic world. They must navigate a range of subjects, cycle tests, a wider variety of teachers, and the need to keep up with a busy timetable. Add peer pressure and hectic extracurricular commitments with minimal downtime, and it’s a lot to handle.

Some children will adapt quickly, but others, especially those already finding school challenging, may struggle. By this stage, some have already been referred for assessments due to distractibility, inattention, or poor performance. These assessments often pursue a diagnosis of ADHD or similar learning challenges.

However, these assessments sometimes reveal something else entirely—intelligent and capable kids stifled by a system that tries to fit them into an ill-fitting box, leaving them anxious and with low self-esteem. Once the anxiety is addressed, these children often thrive.

This underlying anxiety can remain hidden during the earlier years, only to surface in full force when grade four begins.

So, How Can We Help?

The most important thing we can do for our kids is to be present enough to recognise the signs, communicate with them, and ensure they feel safe to communicate with us. Awareness of your child’s mental health is just as essential as their physical health.

I’m not a doctor or psychologist, just a teacher and mom who has dealt with these issues on the ground and speaks from experience. The extremely high expectations and pressure on kids often stood out to me, and grade four is where it really becomes apparent for the first time.

Parents mean well—they want their kids to do well at school to set them up for a bright future. We want them to participate in team sports or other activities to build character, create social bonds, and be off their screens. But it can be overwhelming and counterproductive.

Sometimes, kids just need to be kids. I’ve had many children in tears in my classroom, disappointed by a test result. When I tried to reassure and comfort them, they’d say, “My parents are going to kill me!” I’ve seen children have full-blown panic attacks, struggling to keep up with schoolwork because their afternoons are filled with karate, horse riding, gymnastics, and swimming practice. While these activities are great in moderation, many kids are doing too much, getting home late, and then trying to keep up with school.

What they need are opportunities to engage in hobbies that revitalise them with no expectations, to spend quality time with their families, and to achieve the elusive work/life balance that we, as adults, strive for.

Finding Balance

We also want our children to grow up resilient, able to handle life’s challenges. Trying to eliminate every source of their anxiety can disempower them. The key is to help them manage it and recognise it. When they feel safe enough to discuss their feelings, they’ll be open to letting you know when the pressure is too much, and you can help them choose activities that give them an outlet and walk away from those that overwhelm them.

We often push concepts like “Don’t give up,” “Stay committed,” and “Don’t quit.” While these serve a purpose and are good attitudes in many cases, it’s about balance, self-care, and knowing your limits. Keep your expectations realistic. Not every child is an academic, even the brightest, and they should be supported and encouraged to do their best rather than chase unattainable results. With less pressure and anxiety, they may perform better and come into their own as they progress through the system.

It’s also okay to admit that your choice of school may no longer be the right fit. We make these choices with the information we have at the time, always aiming for the best outcome. But sometimes, life shows us otherwise, and making a positive shift could be life-changing.

Gershom Aitchison, the headmaster and founder of Education Incorporated, believes, “The significance of choosing the best school for your child cannot be understated. Wherever your child is on their educational journey, selecting a school for them should be a careful and considered choice… and open to change if the need arises.”

In a Nutshell

Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher is crucial. Teachers rarely suggest significant changes like moving to a smaller school or repeating a year unless they genuinely believe it will benefit your child.

Here are some practical strategies:

• Spend Calm Time Together: Regular, relaxed time with your children is vital. It strengthens your bond and supports their emotional well-being.
• Listen and Encourage Sharing: Make sure your kids know they can talk about their feelings and worries, especially with all the new things they’re experiencing at school.
• Use Positive Reinforcement: Encourage and reward your children, avoiding criticism about their school work or test results.
• Show Interest in Their School Life: Be actively interested in your child’s education and support them with their homework and projects.
• Avoid Over-scheduling: Ensure your child has enough free time to play, read, listen to music, or relax.

Children do best in a structured yet supportive environment. Here’s how to create that from the start of the year:

• Set a Homework Routine: Decide on a specific time and place for homework and studying. This area should be quiet, organised, and have all the necessary supplies.
• Don’t Leave Things to the Last Minute: Teach your child to start on projects early, avoiding the stress of rushing just before deadlines.
• Be Involved: Remember, most grade four students aren’t quite ready to study independently. Spend time with them, helping with their studies and finding the best methods.
• Prepare the Night Before: To reduce morning chaos, get your child into the habit of packing their school bag and any sports kit the night before.
• Check In Regularly: Go through your child’s school books weekly. It’s an excellent way to see how they handle the workload and cope with academic demands.
• Communicate Early and Often: Don’t wait for the first parent-teacher meeting to discover any issues. Stay on top of school communications and be punctual with all school-related paperwork.

Following these tips can help smooth the path through grade four, making it a positive and productive year for your child.